The "Daily" in your life
Transforming the Daily Scrum: Building Stronger Personal Relationships
In the world of Agile, the Daily Scrum, or stand-up meeting, is a fundamental practice that keeps teams aligned, focused, and adaptable. But what if we could harness the power of this simple, yet effective, ritual and apply it to our personal lives? Specifically, how could a daily meeting with your spouse transform your relationship?
I was thinking one day and pondering about my own life: What if I did a daily meeting with my wife? What would be the impact? (spoiler alert, I still have to do it. I will come back with the results of the exercise). On one side, I talk with my wife regularly, we communicate openly and don’t hide from each other. This being said, I still think we could benefit from implementing this idea.
The Daily Scrum: A Quick Overview
The Daily meeting, as explained in the Scrum guide, is a meeting that is used by the development team to get together once a day to focus on the sprint goal and to plan the upcoming day’s work. During the Daily Scrum, they identify any issues they need help in resolving, ask for help when they need it and adjust the backlog, if necessary.
Translating this to a personal context, imagine having a daily check-in with your spouse to discuss your day, your plans, and any challenges you're facing together.
Fostering Openness
A daily meeting with your spouse creates a space for open communication. Just like in a Scrum team, where transparency is key, being open with your partner about your thoughts, feelings, and plans can significantly enhance mutual understanding and trust. This practice encourages both partners to share what's on their minds regularly, preventing misunderstandings and fostering a deeper emotional connection.
Furthermore, I know that sometimes you can have problems discussing difficult topics with your spouse, This space you create can be a perfect starting point for that and could give you the “excuse” to bring up that topic to the table.
Strengthening Commitment
Commitment is one of the core values of Scrum, and it's equally important in personal relationships. By committing to a daily check-in, you show your spouse that you value the relationship and are dedicated to nurturing it. This regular commitment reinforces the bond between you, as both partners are actively engaged in maintaining and improving the relationship - given that you both take it seriously and actively participate to the discussion. It happened to me more than once to have developers in my team that tagged in the daily meetings but were not participating and were even felt attacked if I asked them to chip in with their part of the information. Don’t do that, that’s the opposite of commitment.
Enhancing Focus
In our busy lives, it's easy to lose focus on our personal relationships amidst all the daily distractions. A daily meeting helps to refocus your attention on your partner and your relationship. It's a designated time to discuss important matters, share experiences, and plan together. This focused time ensures that your relationship remains a priority, even during hectic periods.
Building respect
Regular, respectful communication is crucial in any relationship. A daily meeting fosters respect by providing a platform for both partners to voice their thoughts and feelings. When each person feels heard and valued, mutual respect naturally grows. This practice can help prevent resentment and build a stronger, more respectful partnership.
Implementing Your Daily Meeting
Set a Regular Time: Choose a time that works for both of you, whether it's in the morning, during dinner, or before bed. Consistency is key. At the same time, we all know life happens and you need to deal with your kid one day. Make it work for you.
Tip: If you see that your time is invaded/changed more than a few times, change the hour.
Keep it Brief: Just like a Scrum meeting, keep your daily check-in short and focused. Twenty minutes each is a good target.
Tip: Since you are not actually in a Scrum team, feel free to increase the time if you feel you need it, but agree on something you can keep on the long run.
Share and Listen: Take turns sharing what happened during your day, what your plans are, and any concerns or challenges you're facing. Listen actively to your partner without interrupting.
Tip: You can use the Non-violent communication here. Here’s a link that can help you understand what it is an how you can apply it: https://positivepsychology.com/non-violent-communication/
Problem-Solve Together: If any issues or obstacles come up, discuss them together and find solutions as a team. When a problem is brought up by one of you, the other could try asking “What do you need me to do regarding this issue?”
Celebrate Successes: Don't forget to acknowledge and celebrate each other's successes and achievements, no matter how small.
Conclusion
Incorporating a daily meeting into your relationship can transform the way you and your spouse communicate and connect. By fostering openness, strengthening commitment, enhancing focus, and building respect, this practice can help you navigate life's challenges together and deepen your bond.
If you would like to give a try to this exercise and see if it brings any change and bring a new understanding about your personal life, I’d like to hear from you. My promise is to do the same when I find new and exciting things to try.
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